If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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