laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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