i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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