Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
