oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
