I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
