On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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