I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
