My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
