she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
