i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
