After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
