I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize