so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And then my night got REAL pukey
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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