He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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