Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All the doctor said was why
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
