So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
