I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
