it was like his penis was on wheels.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
