what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
