maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
