How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
