haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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