Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
