the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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