We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
