I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
