i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
