I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
