You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
