I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
