didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
