My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
