How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
