i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize