i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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