yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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