Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
