I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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