i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
