He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
