worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
