I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
