I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
