Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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