Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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