dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
