Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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