You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
