When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
