wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
