1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
