No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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