Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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