i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize