i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
