She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
