she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
