So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
