What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
