Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
