I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
