walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
