god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
