8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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