I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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