Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
