Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
