I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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