we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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