We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
